BAD TUNA

As I was preparing my much anticipated lunch, I popped open a can of tuna. I mixed in my non-fat mayo, pickle relish, and a sprinkle of dill. I spread my heavenly tuna concoction on my golden toasted de"light"ful slices of bread. I very happily (and hungrily) took a bite. Then, very hastily ran to the kitchen sink to gag and sputter and spit out every ounce of tuna. Thankfully, the taste was so bad I did not manage to swallow any of it, or else I'd have food poisoning and the ralphs for sure. The can looked unassuming, and no killer vapors knocked me over while making the sandwich. I checked the mayo, too. The mayo was innocent. It was the tuna. So, here's my question to all of you tuna connoisseurs out there..... what is the shelf-life on a can of tuna? Because I have a jumbo pack of tuna from Sam's Club sitting in my pantry that's about a year old. All of it is going in the trash, just as a precaution. Will I ever enjoy tuna again? Or has this experience ruined tuna forever?
Sobbing to myself, I looked at the evil tuna can and cried...
Curse you, BAD TUNA!

Twilight- The movie review

With not so terribly high expectations, I went and saw the midnight showing of Twilight with my sisters and a few of their friends. Always up for a much needed GNO, I gladly sacrificed precious sleep and came along for the ride. I love hanging with the girls! But, this is a movie review, so here goes nothing....

I don't normally critique movies, or ever even blog about them, but this one deserves some feedback! I am assuming that you haven't been living under a rock these past 3 years, and have actually read the book. If you have not, don't bother to step foot in the theater. The filmmakers assume you have read the book, too. Trust me on this one...if you don't know ANYTHING about Twilight, you will hate this movie and quite possibly strangle anyone who told you to go see it. Read the books, if that interests you.

The Cinematography: Spot-on. Forks depicted in the movie was the same as Forks described in the book. The overcast, almost blue-gray film effect was perfect for capturing the mood and tone. The scenery was beautiful. And haunting, too. This aspect of the film was true to the book.

The Script: If speaking with your eyes was dialog, then this movie was downright verbose. If you can't read peoples' thoughts like Edward, then the dialog was uninspired and scant to say the least. Some of my favorite book characters (Alice and Jasper, Esme) had maybe three lines the entire movie...even the lead characters had skimpy lines. For example, you don't get much of the playful banter between Bella and Ed like you do in the book. Sure they hint at a couple of funny lines, but there wasn't any follow through. If Ed and Bella began talking for more than a minute, the music would drown them out and we would have to be forced to read lips. Good chemistry, but terrible dialog! So sad, really.

The Music:
Rocked! I am going out to buy the Soundtrack. Muse and Paramore are my new favorite bands. I have been looking for new music that doesn't sound like everything else out there, and I found it in this movie. I loved it.

Special Effects:
There were none. And they weren't special. Amazingly bad, in fact.
I wish they would have spent a little more time and money on getting the vampires' abilities to look cool instead of looking like a guy hanging from wires as he runs in mid-air as fast as he can. I have seen stage plays with better effects. Sigh.

My thoughts on the cast:
I thought Kristin Stewart as Bella was believable for the most part.... except the fact that you RARELY saw her smile the entire movie, and she was a little too sullen and moody compared to the book. I don't think they needed to play up the "Plain Jane" aspect so much, either. No makeup would have been better than the gray-eyeshadow-with-no-mascara look. Really weird. Her contact-lensed eyes were so dark they were almost creepy. No awards in the make-up department for ANY of the characters for that matter. I thought the contact lenses and pale make-up on the vamps could have been done in a tasteful way. Instead it looked like they were going trick-or-treating in some scenes. (Poor Jasper looked like a bug-eyed, baby-powdered mannequin the entire movie. Not to mention, a mute.)

The character who stole the show in my opinion was Bella's dad, Charlie. He was very natural and had the wittiest of the few humorous lines. I won't go into James, Victoria, or Laurent. I will only say cheese, cheese, and more cheese. On to the leading men...

From the time they announced Robert Pattinson as "Edward" I had a sinking feeling. Quite frankly, he's just not that good looking. For everyone who has read the books, they know Edward is breathtakingly, flawlessly beautiful. Poor Rob almost seemed awkward and nerdy at times. (Like when he walks, talks, or smiles.) Edward's character is supposed to be articulate, wise, and polished, not an insecure, stammering kid. Maybe it's just Rob's hockey nose or British teeth or his giant orange-on-a-toothpick head that turned me off. In the book, Ed's physique is carved out of marble, on par with a Greek-god. Seriously??? Sorry Rob, you are no Michelangelo's David.

Rob Pattinson

If I were in charge, I would have cast this guy as Edward. He's breathtakingly beautiful (in my opinion), has pale skin, a strong jawline, thin cut muscular body, eyes that totally suck you in, and he can act. Lost fans may recognize him. When I was reading the book series, this guy's face always jumped into my head as "Edward".

Ian Somerhalder

Now that's Edward's body.
(and he naturally looks a little vampy.)

The actor who played Jacob in the movie (Taylor Lautner) was way cute, but young. You may remember him from Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Then again, you may not. I thought his character was underutilized...but maybe I am just a teeeensy bit partial to Jacob. In the next book/movie, "New Moon" he needs to have grown about 2 feet and put on 50 pounds of pure sinewy muscle...hit the weights, kid. You definitely have potential.

Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black.

The Jacob in my head was always this guy.
Who I think, looks like an older brother to the current Jacob.

His name is Steve Strait. So adorable, and smokin' hot in the body department. He's worth watching Sky High or even 10,000 BC for. Ahem...moving on.

Bottom line, if you were hoping for greatness,
you won't find it here. This film had a very low budget and it shows. I am somewhat baffled as to why such a best-selling book series would be so low budget on the screen.
If I were you I'd wait for Twilight to
come out on DVD unless you are a die-hard fan
and can't wait to be disappointed.
And that ends my soapbox career as a film critic.
I will let the professionals do it from now on.

P.S. Girl's night out was the highlight of my week. Please don't think me ungrateful! I will gladly go again just for the chance to talk and be girly for a little while...no matter what is playing on the big screen. A big THANK YOU goes out to Lydia for waiting in line for hours to get us good tickets. You are so sweet for doing that for us.

The Smell of Snow

Snow has a smell. It's true. In fact, it's one of my most vivid memories as a child. Every time I smell that crisp, cold air I think of Christmas, and crunching through a snow drift in bread-bagged moon boots (my generation will understand), and catching perfectly-formed flakes on my tongue. There is nothing like it...and I appreciate it's beauty as well as it's nostalgic smell. Hot Cocoa anyone?

A few days back, we had the brightest full moon I have ever seen.
The morning after, it still looked beautiful
hanging sleepily above the powdery mountains.
Can you smell the snow? Me too. Can't wait to ski on those hills!

Halloween Goodies

Yes I know it's mid-November.
But here are some Halloween pics for your enjoyment anyway. Sean always goes all out on Halloween, which is totally contagious. What I start out dreading, becomes so much fun in the end that I wonder why I was dreading it in the first place. The make-up turned out great, and the house was extra spooky! Come by next year and see the whole set-up if you didn't get a chance this year. Booooooo!

In case you are wondering what we are: Jenny is a tacky fortune-teller, Sean is "Beetlejuice", Gavin is a scary skeleton, Connor is a "Men in Black" agent, and Brennan is "Dash" from the Incredibles. Whew! Glad I cleared that up for all of you. :)

Mindy stopped by with her darling kids for some candy and mayhem.

We did a really spooky theme that had every three year old

in the neighborhood wetting their pants.
(We didn't have very many trick-or-treaters, come to think of it.)
It totally rocks in person, but if your dying to see what it
looked like, go here...but please come back.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2TDqzXP9FU

Diggin' up bones in the graveyard.....

Connor's pumpkin turned out awesome.

Bring on Christmas! Just kidding.

Fall is here! (and a hidden gem...)

I love Autumn. I love the crisp, still air. I love how the trees suddenly burst into every imaginable warm color. It's so comforting...like fresh-from-the-oven bread or homemade pumpkin pie. I have been a little sparse on pictures as of late, both in the blog world and the real world. It was fun blowing the dust off of my camera and capturing a few nice shots of the view outside my window yesterday morning. Pretty isn't it?


I was also going through my memory card of pictures taken over the last 6 months and came across this picture of Brennan. I did not take this one, so I had never seen it before. I reminded me so much of what I looked like when I was his age, it actually startled me a bit. Anyway, I sure do love this little guy. And yes, he has a personality to match his face.

I am alive...

I am still breathing. It is abundantly clear to me how alive I truly am.
You see, I have begun the awesome challenge of learning to enjoy running and weight training. Every muscle in my body is SCREAMING at the moment...protesting even the slightest hint of being used. On more than one occasion today, I have sharply gasped at the pain.

Pain is becoming a friend, however. I realize now that without some pain I won't see progress, so here's to you, my sore aching muscles. I haven't used you in a very long time, so naturally you are going to hurt. A LOT. But it feels good in a weird sort of way, knowing you will still work when I need you.

I have so much to be thankful for, but for today I am thankful to be alive.

Blog Burn-out

So I don't know if you have noticed that I haven't updated my blog...(you 3 readers who check). I am suffering from an acute case of Blog burn-out. I have lots to say, but for some reason, I am dreading the blog. Once you get out of the habit it's hard to get back into it.
So, no promises... maybe I will once again find the drive to blog, but for now I am taking a nice long sabbatical. I know you're all crushed! Just kidding.

Forgive me Blogger....

For I have sinned. It has been a month since my last blog post. A month! What the heck is wrong with me??

I wish I had some awesome, incredible, edge-of-your-seat occurrence to write about. I do not. I am happy to have the kids on vacation to Houston for 8 days, they needed the break from me much more than I needed the break from them. They will have the time of their lives I am sure.
We are on the home stretch with our house,
(3 weeks to go and we are moving!).

I had a breakthrough the other day. I was holding a large board of carpet samples and ungracefully tripped over a big crack in the sidewalk. Normally I would be mortified by this and feel stupid, clumsy, or even angry at myself. (Silly, I know, but I am wound a little tight). The breakthrough? I immediately started laughing at myself. And you know what? It felt GOOD. I think I will try and laugh at myself more often, because it was almost therapeutic with how crazy things are in my life. That, or I have completely lost it, and the mumbles are coming next.

Anyway, life is good. And I am finally letting myself enjoy it.

Teef

Teething, losing teeth, and complaining about teeth have become a common theme in our house recently. Connor and Gavin are both losing teeth, Brennan is gaining teeth, and yes, I am complaining ...I have some tooth sensitivity and acid erosion from depending too much on my beloved Coke Zero to make it through the day for the past few months. But this post isn't supposed to be about me. I'll be ok, once I break my bad, bad habit.

Connor looks like "Nanny McFee", because he
was too chicken to let me pull out his
dangling-by-a-thread tooth.
It does make for a highly humiliating
picture to save for his teen years, however.

Gavin is so proud he's lost his first tooth!
He stares in the mirror at the gaping hole in his mouth
and grins from ear to ear with smug satisfaction,
(and is not so patiently wiggling and coaxing
his other teeth to follow suit).

Last but not least we celebrate the arrival of molars
for Brennan! Hallelujah! No more gumming his
food to death,or chomping desperately like
an old man trying to eat a steak without dentures.

Mexican Word of the Day

Sean has posted (not so recently) about the wonderful world of ENGRISH, which is hilarious in it's own way... but, Asians aren't the only ones who have a niche in the "misuse of the English language" market. I have a funny friend from Guatemala that passes emails along like this one: (a word to the politically correct reader, this email is not PC at all.)

MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: WATER
My vieja gets mad and I don't even know water problem is!
MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: BRIEF
My homie farted frijoles bad, and I couldn't brief.
MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: MUSHROOM
Orale vato, when all my familia gets in the car, there's not mushroom.
MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: CHICKEN
My vieja wanted me to go to the store, but chicken go by herself .

MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: LIVER & CHEESE Some vato tried to sweet talk my ruca. I told him, orale loco liver alone, cheese mine.

MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: JULY Ju tol me ju were goin to the store and July to me! Julyer!
MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: WAFER
I wanted to go with my mom to the flea market pero she didn't wafer me!
MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY: HERPES
I had some cake to share with my wife, this is my piece this is herpes.

Next on our colorful journey of the English language...."Red-Neckese", and boy howdy! I have some good 'uns!

Spring

I am not a poet and cannot possibly communicate in words how truly grateful I am for the miracle of rebirth each and every Spring. It's awe-inspiring to watch the world once again explode into every color imaginable. The air is crisp, the blossoms smell like heaven, and I feel once again renewed. So thank you, God. You do marvelous work.

All of these tulips are in my own front yard. Aren't they gorgeous?
I am lucky enough to look at them every day.

I didn't amplify the color on any of these flowers,

they are naturally that bright and beautiful.

I wish I had smell-o-vision... love the smell of blossoms.

PS- I posted twice today, I guess I am feeling a bit introspective.
Please read the next post, too. Thanks.

Music to soothe the soul

I love music. It speaks to my soul like nothing else can.

With the stress I (and my hubby) have been under lately, the only thing that can calm me down is music...and chocolate (but we won't go into that right now). I am eating/sleeping/breathing music. Headphones are my best friend, and my car is my personal musical journey.

In recent years, I have been somewhat disappointed with the music being thrust upon the masses. I find myself gravitating toward obscure bands that most people haven't heard of...or have heard once and don't know who the band is. (Think "Frou Frou" a.k.a. Imogen Heap, "Zero 7", "Everything but the Girl", and this "Massive Attack" song.) I am a little quirky I guess. I used to love the mainstream Top 40 and now I roll my eyes in disdain listening to what's popular. Does that make me old? It probably does. Don't get me wrong....I am so refreshed with musicians like Ingrid Michaelson, Sara Bareilles, Colbie Caillat, and they have become mainstream for the most part. I wish them much success.

But, I am talking about the song on the right playing right now. I love it. It soothes my soul. Give it a listen (haunting vocals come in a minute). I am going to periodically throw some new songs up there and see if you like them. I know music is extremely subjective and personal, so my feelings won't be hurt if we don't agree... but give it an honest try. You just might like it, too.

Big Bad Two Year Old

My lil' mischief maker turned two last week! It seems like just yesterday we were marveling over his newborn punk hairstyle, and here he is...a full-blown two year old punk. I feel a little bad for my Brenster, being third in line he doesn't quite get the same attention (and planning) that his older brothers got at his age, but hopefully he will forgive me for his lame unplanned birthday at the car dealership (he did get a balloon), a dessert from Chili's, and some play time in the park. I guess that's a pretty fun day for a two year old, right?

Brennan channeling Chris Farley.
The only way to achieve this is by
stuffing his face as full as he can.

Chocolate Molten Cake...no candle, but so gooey and delicious.

And the race to "Stuff-Yo-Face" is on....

Going, Going....

Gone. Chocolate "nirvana" reached.... so good!

I loved this picture. It captures it all.

Brave enough to slide by himself. What a big boy.

That's all folks!

(We did have a real birthday cake with a candle the following day at the Scothern family reunion, but being third child, un-organized Mom forgot to take pictures. Sorry, kiddo.)

Fun In Moab (part 2)

Ahh, Moab. No place on Earth like it. As promised, here are the Jeep day pictures on trails called "Steel Bender" and "Hell's Revenge". Sounds like a walk in the park, right? Come to find out (later in our hotel room) that they are two of the most difficult trails to conquer in Moab. Only "Poison Spider" beats them out in degree of difficulty (which I went on with Brennan in another family's vehicle when Sean and the boys were 4-wheeling.) Was it fun? Most of the time. Did I have a death grip on the car handles the entire ride? You betcha.

Thankfully someone took a picture of all of us together.
I admit I am a little camera-phobic, but it's nice to say
I was there, too. So often we look like a motherless family.

These two photos are of a "Bathtub" which is exactly what its like if
you could drive into your bathtub. Except not as relaxing.

A bit steep, isn't it?
I have to say I am really impressed with what our
little rental jeep could do. I may have to write a letter to Jeep and
tell them their commercials aren't as far fetched as I once thought.

Thumbs Up! We're still alive.

So there were times when the "boys" had to compete to see who could climb/dive the biggest rock. We went with some pretty adventuresome families, (which I now love dearly) but holy cow! We'd unload the kids and nervously watch our mates scale rocks that would make your hair curl. I am so glad we said a prayer of protection before doing really stupid stuff like this.

Fun in Moab

This will be a two part post. Mainly because I forgot my camera on our greatest (scariest) adventure...the jeep safari. I will have to rely on others who remembered their cameras for their awesome pictures of that adventure. I did manage to capture some of Arches National Park and kickin' up some dirt while four-wheelin' for your viewing pleasure.

My boys and balancing rock.

Not such a hard tree to climb, was it?

Cute dorks.

I love you, trailer...you haul my beloved toys.

The look of pure content.

Ready to go exploring with my cool hat and security device...

Kicking up dust is fun!

Throwing dirt...there's nothing better!

Yes, I am a little stinker!

At the end of the day, Brennan just decided he was tired of walking and took a dirt nap.

Facelift and Fourwheelin'

I am very affected by seasons, mainly the lack of sunshine. On a gloriously sunny day, I cannot help but be in a fantastic mood. Same goes for my blog backgrounds. As you may (or may not) remember, it went from black and white to shades of brown and now to green. I guess my moods match the seasons. Anyway....I like the change. What's in store for summer? Think blue, like a nice refreshing pool on a hot day. I bet you can't wait!

Now on to four-wheelers; a topic I struggle with. We are going to Moab this weekend for some much needed R & R (mainly to get away from the black hole of a house that dominates our lives). Sean prepared a speech on how we need to actually enjoy ourselves from time to time even if it means spending money on something other than the new house. "Jen, we still need to LIVE!" was the final blow to our debate. I have mixed feelings...four-wheelers are dangerous, true. But man, are they fun too! I have never seen such unbridled joy on Connor's face. Gavin is a little more like his momma, cautious and slow, but loves the freedom only an ATV can bring. So, with apprehensive excitement, we are now the proud owners of a used dirt bike and two kid friendly four-wheelers. I will post about our amazing adventures in Moab when we return on Sunday.

Never were there two happier boys.

Names will never hurt me....

I got this from Emily's blog and laughed so hard I had to try it out...in fact as I went through the questions, I plugged my own in and laughed even harder. Here we go!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Pooper Pilot

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Rocky Road Macadamia Nut... (Doesn't sound too tough does it? I would get beat up.)

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
J-Mat

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Chimpanzee

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Barbara Ogden

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Matje (kinda sounds like Padme's sister)

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Brown Zero (sounds more like a stain)

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Wendell Reed (nice!)

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Very Sexy Swedish Fish (my personal favorite)

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names)
Mom doesn't have a middle name, so "Jackson Lee" will have to do.

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Evans Eureka

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Christmas Lilly

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Pinapplejeanie

14. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Brownie Bamboo (Hey, brownies are good for breakfast! Not healthy, but good.)

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (The + Your fave hobby/fave weather element + Tour)
The Reading Rainbow Tour ( So where's Lavar Burton when you need him?)

This was really fun. I highly recommend it to anyone who needs a little flavor in their blog. I was feeling the need for a little spice, and now I am content.

Mischief Maker

Toddlers are fun. They leave you little presents all over the house. Today was a trash bag collage and an empty tissue box with tissues strewn all over the house. Fun little gifts, aren't they?

Someone once said that you'll wish for the day when you have to clean sticky fingerprints off of the walls, because you won't have them anymore. I don't know about that. I do understand the thought behind it, however. So, instead of getting upset that I have yet another mess to clean up today, I think I will just smile and give my little mischief maker an extra hug and kiss.

Man, he's a mischievous child! Just look at that face!
Notice what he's sitting next to....stuffed full of toilet paper.

Stone, Floods, and Fender-benders

It has been a crazy week. First, the good news...we have stone on our house. It's fun to see it shaping into a "Home". I wasn't sure about the stone at first, but now I really like it. My only concern is that it's light. The paint color will now have to be darker than the stone, which I hope will look good in the end. I think it will. We shall see.



I am in love with my front door. I don't know what it is about mahogany, maybe the smell of it, but it makes me all emotional, like a beautiful piece of music does. I know...I am weird. Maybe I was a carpenter in a past life.

This is just a perspective shot of the entry. We are leveling the floors in order to lay the wood planks. Let me tell you how much I loath drywall dust right now. Curse you, drywall dust! It's impossible to vacuum up. Any ideas? Should I mop it up? I haven't a clue how to get rid of it.


And now the bad.....
The basement flooded. The quick change in weather last weekend melted a lot of the massive snow mounds still present in the window wells and back porch. I have been up to the new house every 2-3 hours to be on "flood-watch" and to siphon out the window wells (with a garden hose and some good old fashioned suction by mouth) into the basement drains. Let me tell ya, that water is gross. I don't even want to know what kind of microbes/mosquito larvae/creepy-crawlies I have ingested just to keep my basement dry. Our window wells have pulled away from the foundation because of the weight of the snow and the constant expanding/contracting. I am not quite sure what we can do about this, but it's a problem.

And today, someone rear-ended us on Washington Blvd. Even though our car shows little damage, we all feel like we've been through a wreck. My neck is killing me. The kids are rattled and complaining that their backs hurt, too. Thankfully Sean pushed the brakes in time to not damage the car in front of us, even though we did end up tapping her rear bumper.
I hate that feeling of being in a wreck. It's scary...I foresee nightmares from the kids tonight.

Anyway, that's the week in a nutshell. We are laying our wood floors on Saturday if anyone would like to come and learn/help/eat some pizza. Anyone is welcome. (We kinda need the help).